An Open Letter To: Miley Cyrus

By Stephen Knoll on August 30, 2013

Hello,

You most likely don’t know me and that’s quite understandable. You are a huge pop-star and I drive a ’93 Pontiac so I think it’s safe to say that we are on

Wait I googled Miley Cyrus not Angela’s doll from ‘Rugrats’ (From Us Magazine)

opposite ends of the spectrum. Now, I know you’re probably expecting that because I am a journalist that I want to ask you some questions about what exactly

happened at the VMAs. A few days have passed since that eventful night, which was also my birthday…I noticed you didn’t wish me a happy birthday either but you were probably busy like all day, and I intentionally waited to write this letter. I wanted to make sure some of the hype died down and we weren’t all stuck in a tizzy about your “gyrations” as we’ll call them. Also, my emotions were a bit skewed so time was certainly needed to make sure those settled and were sifted through properly.      I really wanted to start off by saying I’m not a fan of your music. I’ll be honest, it’s the same tired pop-produced machine that pumps out hits for you kids to perform. I say kids knowing full well we are similar in age but, not to take the high route on you, I’ve never eaten a phallic cake before so I think kids fits well. And it’s also a main talking point I want to focus on in this letter. Hannah Montanna was pretty popular when I was in middle school, so I’m familiar with your early work when you were truly a kid. The younger me, not knowing that the TV lies to you (I was naive and innocent forgive me), was quite fond of you. You were attractive and seemed like the type of girl who could be into a guy like me. At age 13 no matter how small the chance was at being “boyfriend/girlfriend” no matter how small was worth holding onto. Thinking back you were so sweet and adorable back then, but if I could go back in time I would warn my younger self to just burn that bridge now. I thought it would’ve been fun to watch us grow up together cause I wondered what it’d be like, if you could really keep yourself together and I thought you could.

That’s where the sad part of my letter begins. I began to see cracks in the surface when I heard about your partying ways and hangouts with Lindsay Lohan. I

Pants aren’t a requirement for maturity, but they help (From justjared.com)

had hoped you wouldn’t fall down Lohan Lane and I’m quite happy to see that you haven’t yet. What worried me most was that you would just keep going until you went Britney Spears on paparazzi and then was never heard from again except for police reports. There were some bits and pieces along the way, but I thought recently you had it all together for a comeback. You gave us something back, but that ended up being your backside and that side happened to be

twerking. From there it only got worse, not Amanda Bynes worse, but still worse. The VMA performance just sealed the deal. Now, what happened to the sweet person America came to love? I know you want to break free from your child actor status and be seen as an adult, but there are better ways of doing it. You could do some thoughtful music or make something that sounds mature and inspiring. I’m not the expert at being an adult, I still take chopsticks and pretend to be a walrus but I’m usually entertaining my nieces, but you are better than this Miley. Please know this all comes from a place of love and support. I’m not asking for Hannah Montana back, I just want Miley back.

Love,

Stephen Knoll

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